One of the major concerns I see in my practice is clients who arrive to session bewildered by their pervasive exhaustion, yet who are unable to rest. They describe newly found feelings of apathy towards things they once cared so passionately about, feeling overwhelmed by life's demands, yet watching their own productivity decline, feeling incredibly frustrated as they try to make sense of what has changed.
After careful exploration of what came before this change, it is often revealed that there is likely some burnout happening.
Quite often, I see this profile most amongst high-achieving women, some who are in the midst of raising children, caring for others whether professionally or personally, or working to advance education or careers. It is this demographic that can be particularly vulnerable to burnout, even more so if this woman is neurodivergent or has pre-existing health or mental health concerns. That risk can be compounded if she is lacking in social support or is a single caregiver.
In Canada, women continue to carry a significant portion of unpaid caregiving responsibilities. In 2022, 42% of Canadians aged 15 and older reported providing unpaid care to children or adults with long-term conditions or disabilities. Women were also more likely to be "sandwich caregivers," caring for both children and other adults. This is important because the demands of caregiving are not happening in isolation—they are often layered on top of work, relationships, household responsibilities, health concerns, and all of the other demands of life.
What Creates Burnout?
Simply put, burnout is caused by a pervasive period of prolonged stress. The body is simply unable to keep performing and meeting the overwhelming demands placed upon it. It can begin to shift from a state of being highly mobilized to respond to stress, to a state where it is no longer able to maintain that same level of output.
To understand what creates burnout, we need to understand how our nervous system was designed.
When explaining this to clients, I liken our nervous system and brain to functioning on somewhat primitive software. We were not designed to deal with chronic stress. Rather, our nervous system was more designed to deal with acute stressors.
When we become stressed, adrenaline and cortisol are released to help mobilize us to deal with the stress. This is helpful when we are dealing with an acute stressor that can be resolved. However, if the stressor is not easily resolved, over time, this becomes very taxing to our body, our energy reserves, and our overall functioning.
Eventually, the body can begin to transition into a state of shutdown or depletion, where it is no longer able to maintain the same level of stress response and output.
Burnout follows periods of chronic or highly acute stress. To make matters more challenging, while in the midst of this stress, many feel they are actually handling it very well.
Some women even develop a "Superwoman" type persona, identifying as the one who can do it all.
In this state, it becomes incredibly difficult to keep the pace that one was performing at while in a highly mobilized state. Apathy may develop, thoughts of "I can't," fatigue, "not enough time," and the body will work to prioritize rest and recuperation.
This becomes extremely challenging as the demands of life don't stop. Not all parts of self are fully on board for this "shutdown." This is where internalization comes in.
Some women internalize these feelings of burnout, believing there is something wrong with them, seeing it as a moral failure when, in fact, it may be better understood as a nervous system and stress-response issue.
Seeing it this way helps reduce some of the stigma and can help one better adjust expectations of themselves.
Expecting one to perform at such a high level is similar to expecting someone to jog while in a full-body cast. It simply can't—or rather, shouldn't—be done.
The Pathway Out of Burnout
The pathway out of burnout is slow. It takes time and often requires self-compassion. In therapy, sometimes recovery from burnout involves retracing the steps of what got one there, attending to things that may have been invalidated or ignored.
The work for some may involve learning to say no, setting boundaries, and asking for help. While for others, it means letting go of perfectionistic standards, the desire to please others, and the tendency to subjugate their own needs in order to make some changes.
For some women, the work means digging into the past to understand vulnerabilities that exist, learning how to work with their own health conditions in a way that doesn't leave them drained. This may include ADHD, bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, chronic illness, etc.
It may mean learning that they cannot continue to operate at the same pace they once did.
It may mean learning that rest is not something that needs to be earned.
It may mean asking for help, disappointing others, setting boundaries, or letting go of the belief that they need to be able to do it all.
And sometimes, it means recognizing that the qualities that have helped them succeed (Ie: being responsible, driven, caring, productive, accommodating, and capable)—may also be the same qualities that have made it difficult for them to recognize when they have reached their limit.
Burnout recovery isn't simply about learning how to become productive again.
Sometimes, it is about learning that you were never meant to sustain that level of productivity in the first place.
Sometimes, your exhaustion is not evidence that you are failing.
Sometimes, it is evidence that you have been carrying too much for too long.
Emily Spagnolo